Heart Speaks (Pt. 3)

Updated: Jan 21

The whole way to Salt Lake, I kept looking in the rear-view mirror. Afraid of him rushing to find me, but also kind of wanting and hoping he would.

As we went through the divorce process we didn’t speak much. He mentioned in conversations past that he would call, but my parents would tell him I wasn’t here.

Sometimes, I maybe wish they would have let me talk to him. But, I don’t know what good that would have done.

We’ve had several conversations since that time of our life. Every few years he reaches out to check in with me. See how I’m doing. We carry on our conversations for a few weeks, or sometimes a few months. But it always dies off.

There’s something missing. And, my heart is speaking.

He’s apologized from time to time. Saying he wished he’d treated me more kindly. That if he could do it over again, he would, and make sure it was right. That losing me was the greatest regret of his whole life.

I’ve always blown it off, like, meh, we were young.

No big deal.

We all make mistakes.

However, I feel like those words that I never said. The feelings I never expressed.

That pain and hurt have left some curiosity in my body. And, I wonder. Why didn’t you treat me more kindly? What would you do to make it right, and why didn’t you try then?

And questions I ask myself. Why didn’t you speak up? Why didn’t you express your desires? Why didn’t you demand respect?

Why didn’t you listen to yourself?

When your heart was speaking…

I love you,



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